What I Learned...

I talked with a man in our Ward who is a child therapist. He has six kids of his own and believe me when I tell you that they are a great family! I was asking him about an issue of impulsive behavior (it's up to you to guess who I'm talking about!). He gave me some great advice that really applies to all kinds of behavior; good tips for improved parenting. I thought I would share them with you.

He said:

• No more time outs. They don't seem to be effective, and they don't teach children any skills. It's more of a break for the parents.
• Kids may be feeling stress from the new baby, new house, new school, new job, etc. He might benefit from a set schedule which includes "big boy" time with just mommy and just daddy. Have him do "big boy" things with you.
• When he does act out, don't punish. Have him help clean up, but be positive. At a later time, practice the bad behavior in a positive way, teaching him how to correct the behavior. Don't make a huge deal of the negative behavior, although it IS irritating. We DO NOT want to teach him to think he is bad. We want to teach him to choose good behavior.
• No spanking, no medications.
• MORE ACTIVITY. Wear him out! ie, sleeping bag on the stairs, trampoline, relay racing.
• And finally, the hardest one of all....don't use a mean voice. He said specifically that yelling or dragging him by the arm to a time out will make the child believe that he is a bad boy. We aim to teach him that his BEHAVIOR is bad and needs to be changed.

Then I added my own words:

• Here's my advice, for what it's worth...Daily prayer, daily scripture reading, and weekly Family Home Evening. Not doing these three things consistently were the mistake Stan and I made with our family. Don't make the same mistake with yours.